Metric Jester's Evil Burgers

• 1 small onion, finely chopped (rice size)
• 4 ounces mushrooms, finely choped (rice size)
• 1 jalapenos (rice size) or 1 serano chili, finely chopped (rice size)
• 2 garlic cloves
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 lb lean ground beef, at room temperature
• 1 egg, at room temperature
• 4 slices bacon, cooked and finely chopped (or use a handful of packaged pre-crumbled what do I care?)
• 1 slice white bread, shredded into breadcrumbs (FRESH!!!!!)
• 14 teaspoon mayonnaise
• 14 teaspoon mustard
• 4 eggs, over easy
• 4 dashes Frank's red hot sauce
• 4 slices bd real cheddar cheese
• 4 slices back bacon or 4 slices Canadian bacon or 4 slices peameal bacon
• 4 lettuce leaves
• 4 tomatoes, slices
• 8 extra garlic dill pickle slices
• 4 slices pickled beets (or grilled)
• salt
• pepper
• 8 pitted green olives
• 4 toothpicks

1. fry first 5 ingredients until everything is soft and fragrant, using medium heat.
2. allow veggies to cool (put it in the fridge for 20 minutes or so) while you bring beef and egg up to room temperature (take that out of the fridge for 20 minutes or so).
3. put beef in a big bowl, everything else on top, save bread for last, and mix with bare hands (yummy)!
4. separate into 4, make patties (I like to stretch a square of plastic wrap over a peanut butter lid, drop in the meat and gather the wrap into the middle of the patty and press down, extra wrap makes a good expansion divot).
5. fry, grill, broil, or whatever it is you do to cook burgers.
6. toast your buns, mayo and mustard on the bottom, then a patty, a squirt of Frank's Red Hot, then cheese, then an over easy fried egg, then the fried back bacon, then lettuce, tomato, pickles, pickled or grilled beetroot, salt and pepper, top of the bun and two olives on a toothpick for garnish.

onion, mushrooms, rice, garlic, butter, lean ground beef, egg, bacon, white bread, mayonnaise, mustard, eggs, s red, cheddar cheese, back bacon, tomatoes, garlic, beets, salt, pepper, green olives, toothpicks

Taken from www.food.com/recipe/metric-jesters-evil-burgers-474793 (may not work)